It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way
It’s not supposed to be this way. You don’t lose college friends 20 years after they became part of your life forever. They don’t pass away 30 or 40 years too soon. They are supposed to die of natural causes, not from some horrible disease for which we have yet to find a cure because it’s just so hard to pin down.
And yet today, I sit here knowing that for the second time in less than three years, a friend from college is passing away from cancer, and by the time I finish this, she likely already has. The words are hard to put together, despite the fact I’ve been pondering this post since my drive home after work yesterday. I’ve tried and tried to come up with a coherent set of thoughts and reasoning that lays out how all of this is part of a bigger plan God has, how even in the eye of this kind of storm, it’s going to be OK.
You know what? It IS going to be OK, despite how hard it is to see it and how difficult it is to process losing someone yet again. But I’m not the one who needs to know that, not even a little bit. The ones who need this the most are my friend Ruth’s husband, Dennis, and their children and extended family beyond that.
Dennis, who after we lost Brian in 2013 knew, with the help of God influencing MANY of us to share with him, that it was again time to go back into ministry. I am quite certain this warmed Ruth’s heart to no end, because this is who she envisioned spending her life with when they got married. Dennis, who became my brother the moment I got to know him back in Bartlesville in college. Dennis, best friend and brother to Brian, who knew him better than anyone, who understands the depths of God’s leading in a way that lets him express it to others so, so well, and so, so differently than anyone I’ve ever met. I love you, Dennis, and know that one day, we’ll ALL be rejoicing together in Heaven with those God has chosen to take home before us.
Sometimes my memories aren’t as detailed as I wish they were, and I think I can chalk most of that up to being less aware than I wish I was at times in my life. So while I don’t recall every detail, I still remember well the night a group of friends had a plan to get Dennis and Ruth together, knowing this was the right match for each of them. I remember being invited to share a dinner at the house (apartment?) of someone on staff at the college, who left for the evening so the girls could prep everything, not disguised as a quadruple date, but rather disguised as just eight friends getting together for a fun dinner, or at least that’s how it works in my memory. 🙂
I remember convincing myself to try to eat the salad placed before me, despite the fact I hate lettuce, and managing to get through it, all in the name of being polite. Looking back, nobody would have minded if I’d simply declined, but at that point in the meal, I didn’t fully know the extent of the plans going on. It was later, as Dennis and Ruth playfully teased each other, and I saw the look in his eyes, that I understood. And that made me happy. I knew Ruth was someone who would make Dennis happy, and I wanted nothing more than to see my brother experience great things with a wonderful woman by his side.
And that is who Ruth has been for all this time. To slightly change the phrasing, behind every good man is a GREAT woman, and Ruth has been that GREAT woman. Without her, Dennis would not be the dad he has been. Without her support, he could not have gone back into ministry after leaving it years before. Without her, their house would not have been a home. Without her LOVE, Dennis would not be the man he is today. And though I know Dennis is hurting today, and he will feel this for the rest of his life, it will become easier. He knows this, sure, but he has a great support group around him, including a sister, Tonya, who understands what he is going through better than just about any of us reading this, who can help. He has a loving God, who he knows loves him and cares for him and will lead him through this struggle.
Sometimes life isn’t fair, and it may not seem OK, but it’s just…life. The group Petra had a song in the 80s called “We Are Not Of This World”. I’ve held onto that wording ever since I first heard the song, especially when I thought about all the struggles we all go through well beyond losing someone. We are not of this world, because we are only here for a short while and then, for those of us who have made that commitment to Christ, we get to live forever in paradise. This earthly body is extremely short-term, though it feels longer to us. Sometimes I wonder why it has to seem so long to us when often we’d like to escape the trials of this earth and move on to Heaven.
Then I realize that God works through us on this earth He created to add more people to His kingdom. Oh, He doesn’t NEED us to do it, but he has definitely CALLED us to do it, and the benefit of taking part in that work makes us part of His very inclusive, and exclusive, family. When you are part of something, when you take ownership of something, it means more to you. In the cause of Christ, we take ownership of that calling and it means something to us. It guides our life, lets us witness even when we’re not trying, and draws more people to that closeness with God. It’s a beautiful thing, really.
Ruth has done this. She did her time and paid her dues, so to speak. Now she gets this wonderful reward! She’s so lucky! Ruth, while the rest of us wait it out down here, we promise to rejoice in your healing and in your pure joy. Give Brian a hug for us while you’re at it, OK? We’ll see you soon.
The Relevant Edge 