If I’m Divorced, Am I Broken?
When I went through my divorce in 1998, I had a lot of troubling thoughts. My concerns ran the gamut from wondering if I had lost favor in God’s eyes to whether I would ever love again to how long it would take to heal from the pain I felt inside.
Just a few months after my divorce was finalized, it became evident God was calling me to move someplace new. Prayer led me to apply for a job in Jackson, MS, where my brother was in seminary. After a phone interview where I was told they’d make a decision in the next few days on who would be part of a second interview, I got the job, via phone call 20 minutes after the initial interview. A God thing? I think so.
I packed up and moved to Jackson, thankful for the opportunity to live with my brother but not thrilled with having to leave my daughter behind with her mother. God has always been faithful, and brought her to me a few months later, but that’s not the point of this article. In what I strongly feel was God’s design to help me stretch and grow, He led me to attend the Vineyard Church in Jackson. It was during a lunch conversation with their pastor, Bruce Wimberley, that I came to realize my divorce was not the end of my life either personally or spiritually.
During my year in Jackson, God showed me His tremendous grace and provided friends to help make it clear to me that I could be forgiven and life did move forward. Believe me when I say I needed it, and I bet anyone else who has been through the pain of divorce understands how low you feel and how much of a struggle it can be to progress in your faith.
One of the things I notice most for Christians who are going through divorce or who have already experienced it is a sense that their worth in God’s eyes has changed. They feel they are damaged goods and that their path to greater things, be it their relationship with God or ministry opportunities, has been thwarted.
THIS IS NOT SO!!!!
God does not make broken stuff! He makes amazing people capable of breaking themselves, thanks to free will, but He also provides a level of grace we can barely understand! You, just because you’ve been through divorce, still have life!
I wanted to state those things strongly so you’d recognize just how small a divorce really is. You know who it affects the most? Us. It’s our human nature to hold on to things we’ve done that bother us, that are negative, no matter how far in our past they occurred. It’s our nature to hold fast to the pain we’ve felt partly so we make sure we don’t make the same mistakes again in the future. That’s fine, but we have to also recognize that if we’ve asked God’s forgiveness for something, it’s done and over. We should let it go, and this includes divorce!
Look, it’s a terrible thing; we all know that. It has horrible consequences and can certainly stick with you for many years because of them, especially if there are children involved. But, spiritually, you don’t have to let it overwhelm you. God forgives and He is faithful in His promise to us to love us no matter what! Let Him do His work in you. Then you be sure to give Him your concerns and pain and live your life doing great things for His glory!
This is a good, positive post, Scott. Regardless of what goes on in our life, God looks upon the heart. He sees the hurt and whatever other emotions you feel and responds with appropriate love, discipline, guidance, etc. God is concerned with your attitude toward Him and toward His children and He will sort out what is the best course of treatment for those life-changing events in your life. Each time the fellowship is broken, for whatever reason, there is a remedy. We repent, confess, ask forgiveness for our own actions and lack of love, and we are restored! There is nothing like this wonderful Grace in our worldly relationships – though as Christians we do try to model it. God bless you, Scott, as you go forth and extend to others this wonderful forgiveness and love!
Scott I commend you for approaching lifes toughest subjects. I too am broken not because I am divorced but because my parents divorces years ago when I was twelve and because people who I have married before God are now divorced. It is true divorce breaks all of us but even more true is the love and forgiveness of our God and Saviour Jesus Christ who was divorced from his father (or himself) for our sins.
Dennis, interestingly enough, until you mentioned this as a tough subject, I didn’t think of it in that way. However, had you asked me if divorce was a difficult subject for the church before I was divorced, I would have agreed entirely that it was. This brings up an interesting reality, which is that once you have experienced something, you no longer have as strong a bias against it. This will be a topic for another post, but I’m sure many of us have experienced the hurt of people who believe everything is black and white. Many of these I’ve seen have never experienced the other side of the coin, so to speak, which affects their ability to understand where others are coming from. I think when we fail, one of the best things we can do for the cause of Christ is to share that failure to enable better understanding of how God’s grace is so much more full than we imagine.
Henri Nouwen wrote a book called “The Wounded Healer.” He believed strongly that our weaknesses and failures can be points of strength for God. I seem to recall a verse about that somewhere. Do you suppose we will someday reach the conclusion that God was right when He talked about being strong in our weaknesses? I don’t know. I keep wasting my time on my strengths and thinking they must be the path God wants to work most through me. Would you believe that what I consider my worst sermons tend to get the best response from my congregation? I’m gonna learn that lesson one of these days.
Divorce is not the end of the world. In fact, now that you’re broken, maybe God can finally use you.
Nice addition, Dan, and thanks for providing some great input. I’ve been thinking as well recently about focusing too much on my strengths. I think that’s the next post coming up yet this week.
Scott, as a divorced person, I understand the feelings you had. I think we have all been there. Divorce is difficult and painful and it leaves scars on our hearts but God does heal!